How To Have A Great Marriage, When The Romance Is Gone!

December 12, 2012

The best part about planning a wedding, is being able to take a break from planning a wedding!  The time when you and your best friend, your future spouse, are able to get away from everyone else and just have fun with each other.  I often looked forward to Jonathan picking me up for a date, him and I have always had so much fun together.

He is the only person that can make me smile when I am angry, even if I am angry with him.  Before Jonathan and I dated, we became best friends for two years.  Our church is fairly small and at that time there were not a lot of children attending our church, mainly his family and my family.  Our families were together a lot for church events such as intercessory prayer, bible study, church and afternoon services.  Our families enjoyed being around each other.

Every married Christian has knowingly or unknowingly  signed themselves up for a long journey.  It is God’s desire that we remain with our spouse until one of us dies.  I believe that most people do not think about how serious the vows are until sometime later in their marriage, right around the time when they are thinking they are no longer happy.   There is so much drama with planning a wedding that most of us are not thinking about what we are really committing ourselves too, until sometime after the honey moon.

Every marriage will have seasons ranging from romance and passion to boredom and bitterness.  The spark will ultimately fade in and out of every marriage.  The people who are able to remain married during the rough season are those who either fear God or have found a friend in their spouse.  When you are best friends with your spouse you will find it easy to be committed beyond the spark.  When the romance dies you have something else that will draw you to each other, and that is friendship. The bible says in Proverbs 17:17, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

I heard a story of an older couple who was interviewed.  They had been married for a lot of years.  The interviewee asked the couple how they were able to remain married for so many years.  The couple responded, ” We never fell out of love at the same time.”  How is that possible?  When you are best friends with your spouse you will find that friendship will carry a relationship when the passion is nowhere in sight.  Romance is great but you can guarantee that the spark will fade at some point in your marriage.

If you are planning on getting married or if you are already married, focus on becoming best friends with your spouse.   Couples who are not best friends with their spouse will find it hard to spend time with them.   Have you ever noticed that some couples prefer to go places without their spouse.  It is quite the opposite for those who are friends with their spouse.  The way we think is different, our first thought is how much fun it will be with our spouse.  If you have your priorities in order beginning with God as the head of your marriage and your spouse second to him, you are on your way to a marriage that will live out the vows you have made.

Challenge: Are you and your spouse best friends? This week I want you to focus more on the friendship aspect of your marriage.  Spend 15 minutes each day for a week talking with your spouse, you may also want to ease one of their burdens while you are talking to them.  For example, while talking with her also wash the dishes.  While talking with him do not to be so demanding of him.  If he is a busy man and you cannot help with his task, allow him to multi- task while the two of you talk.  Make sure that at least two nights this week the 15 minutes is purely talk time, no multi-tasking permitted.

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